


Of the Gentle and the Broken

by Sober_Gamzee



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Past Rape/Non-con, past bullying, past self-harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-04-07 09:21:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4257969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sober_Gamzee/pseuds/Sober_Gamzee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tavros Nitram is a paraplegic that has been a therapist/counselor at a drug and alcohol rehab center for two years. Being someone who usually takes on even the most hopeless-seeming of cases, he thinks he's seen everything, or at least something close to it. But he wonders if he should abandon that theory when Gamzee Makara, handcuffed and heavily addicted to a up-and-coming street drug called Soper, is lead into his office under heavy protection. At first, Tavros doesn't see anything different in his new patient - sure, he suffers from violent withdrawal symptoms, but nothing overly strange. But when he begins to realize that he considers the odd man with his face paint and dark past a friend - maybe even more - he's forced to once again reconsider a few things and finally face demons that have been haunting him since high school. Rated M for suicide, drug abuse, past child abuse, past rape/noncon, past bullying, and past self-harm. NO LONGER ON HIATUS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

 

I looked up as I heard the door to my office open. I was expecting something normal—at least, as normal as my day could get when I was a drug counselor at a rehab center. Maybe a nurse coming to tell me that it was time to go visit a patient, or a security guard telling me that Vriska had gotten out of her room again. I shuddered at the thought of that particular alcoholic; she had had to be transferred to another therapist because she was constantly making unwanted and extremely embarrassing sexual advancements on me. She was terrifying.

What I did see, however, was definitively not normal. The chief of police stepped through the door, followed by a man I had never seen with a mane of unkempt, curly black hair and clouded eyes so heavily lidded I couldn’t tell the color. For some strange reason, his face was covered in grey face pain reminiscent of clown makeup, along with a plain, tattered black t-shirt and purple pajama pants with faded white polka dots. The unknown man was also handcuffed.

That wasn’t what was strange, though. Unfortunately, having patients admitted in handcuffs was something I had gotten used to in the two years that I had been working there. What did surprise me was the entourage that followed the man. I counted four more cops and three of the security guards that worked there, plus the two that stood outside the door.

I swallowed heavily; suddenly nervous about the amount of security that the man—who I assumed was my newest patient—had brought with him. Usually the people who were forcibly admitted there, usually as an alternative to prison, were escorted by at most three guards or policemen. Never that many people. What on Earth had that man _done_ to be so heavily guarded?

I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.

“Um, h-hello. W-what, uh, brings you here today?” I cursed the stutter that I couldn’t seem to get rid of.

The chief sighed and pulled him into the seat beside him, sitting across the desk from me. By his loose smile and the glazed look in his eyes, my soon-to-be patient was higher than a kite at the moment. Again, nothing new, unfortunately. “I was told you were the one who was best at taking someone who nobody could make a dent on and turning their lives completely around. The receptionist thought quite highly of you.”

I smiled slightly; it must’ve been Jade he was talking about. I liked Jade. She was always very nice. And it was true, to some degree. I did tend to be more optimistic than a majority of others and took on patients that had been written off as hopeless. It wasn’t the best thing ever for my sleep schedule, but I didn’t mind. I enjoyed my job, so it wasn’t as big a deal as it probably should have been that I lost so much sleep.

“Um, well, yes, I suppose you could put it that way,”

“Good. Do you think this one’s too far gone for you to do anything?”

I glanced at the man; he was giggling quietly and muttering something or another about miracles. I had seen people who were so drugged up they were almost comatose, so he didn’t look like it would take that long to sober him up. Of course, I couldn’t tell what kind of physical condition he was in, what with his baggy clothes and odd face paint, but it didn’t look like he was in that bad of shape. “No, I could p-probably do something for him. Do you want him admitted immediately?”

The police chief nodded and I turned to one of the security guards. “I think that room 351 is open, since Damara left a couple days ago,”

They nodded and helped the man up, leading him out of the room.

“Um, sir, i-if you’re allowed, could you give me some of his basic information? T-to fill out the admittance forms.” I was somewhat calmer without the presence of seven extra, burly men in my office, but I still found the situation odd.

He set a fairly thin manila folder on my desk. “That’s what I’m supposed to give you of his record. Anything that’s not in there you’ll have to get from him.”

I nodded; that was a fairly normal procedure. “Uh, alright. Thank you, sir.”

He sighed and nodded tiredly, the chair scraping against the faux wooden floor as he stood. “I apologize, but I have to get going,”

He stood and left, the door clicking quietly shut. I looked back at the folder, wondering if I was the only one who had noticed my patient quickly and easily unlocking his handcuffs and holding them carefully shut as he left the room.  


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

That night, I looked through the folder that I had been given. The man’s name was Gamzee Makara. He was a year older than me at twenty three and had been arrested three times before he was brought to the rehab center, all for illegal drug possession. The first time, he had been thirteen, then seventeen, then twenty one. His mug shots and his age were all the information I got on the arrests, but I did find something interesting. He wasn’t wearing that odd face paint in the first picture, but it was there in the last two. I found that odd. Maybe something had happened to make him wear it? But it seemed to be a strange design. Why would he paint his face like a clown, of all things? Oh well, my job didn’t involve asking him about the odd greyish paint that he chose to wear.

<><><> 

The next morning, I wheeled myself through the door of the rehab center and was greeted by a bubbly black-haired girl. I smiled and waved at Jade as I passed, but didn’t have time to stop and chat. I needed to go talk to Gamzee before the withdrawal symptoms kicked in. It had said in the file that he had gone sober before, when he had been arrested, and that he got very violent when he was going through withdrawal. I didn’t know what they meant by “very,” but I was certain that I didn’t want to be in the room when I found out.

“Tavros! Are you going to talk to your new patient?” Nepeta, an over excitable nurse with a strange obsession with cats, bounced over to me and grinned.

“Um, yes, I am. Do you need something?”

She giggled shyly, clasping her hands behind her back. “Well, Equius is in charge of the security over there… so, can I come with you?”

I smiled and hid my chuckle behind a hand. The entire staff knew about Nepeta’s crush—well, obsession—on the burly security guard, except, of course, for Equius himself. It was quite comical to watch how utterly oblivious he was to every one of Nepeta’s attempts to get him to _figure it out already._ Honestly, though, I didn’t think he would notice unless she said it outright. He was more oblivious than me, and that was saying something.

“Sure, Nepeta. Let’s go.”

She squealed happily. “Yay! Thanks!”

I laughed softly and made my way down the hall to room 351, where I assumed Gamzee was. Sure enough, as Nepeta and I rounded the corner, we saw Equius standing outside the door of the room. Nepeta immediately bounced up to him and started talking excitedly, clinging to his arm like some sort of parasite. He nodded at me, letting me know that I could go into the room, before turning his attention to her.

I left the two of them alone, knowing that Equius wouldn’t allow anything to happen even with the added distraction of the cat-obsessed girl hanging off him. I opened the door and wheeled myself through it as carefully and quietly as possible. I had lost count of how many times I had narrowly avoided accidentally rolling over a patient who had passed out on the floor.

To my surprise, though, Gamzee was wide awake. Yes, he was sitting upside down on the bed with his feet against the wall and his hair brushing the floor, but he was awake. He had a lopsided grin on his face, but he seemed to be much more sober than he had been the night before.

“Yo, motherfucker. You the bro who’s supposed to be all takin’ care of me and all that shit?”

I chuckled softly at how blunt he was, while at the same time being incredibly vague. It was intriguing. “Well, um, y-yes, I suppose you could, um, put it that way. Gamzee, right?”

He chuckled and nodded, rolling over so that he was lying on his stomach. It was a bit easier to focus on him when he was right-side up.

“That’s cool, bro. It’s a motherfuckin’ miracle that I got a cute little bro like you instead of that bro outside who’s all motherfucking huge and shit.  Who the fuck even up and has all those motherfucking muscles?”

I laughed again, though I could feel my cheeks burning in embarrassment. I decided to ignore the ‘cute’ comment for the moment. “Well, um, Equius is the head of security here,”

He nodded. “Well, that makes sense and all. Anyway, what’s your motherfucking name, bro?”

I smiled and held out my hand for him to shake. “I’m, um, Tavros Nitram. It’s nice to meet you.”

He laughed and gave me some sort of sideways high five. “That’s a motherfucking cool name, Tavbro.”

It was at that moment that he seemed to notice my wheelchair for the first time. However, he didn’t act surprised or even remotely uncomfortable, which surprised me. Most people were a bit put off by it at first, until they got used to it.

“That’s one nice motherfuckin’ four-wheeled device you got there, Tavbro. All up and fucking shiny and shit.”

I smiled, a bit embarrassed, and shrugged. “It, um, it’s fairly standard. Nothing special, really.”

He laughed and shook his head. “Whatever you motherfucking say, bro. I still think it’s cool as all fuck.”

He made some sort of honking noise, which made me laugh again. I figured that under different circumstances, we could be friends. I was still a bit nervous around him, though. The amount of security that he had had when he was admitted had scared me a little, and I still had no idea what he had done to require it.

“Um, Gamzee, I hate to kill the mood, but I-I do have a couple things to ask you to make sure that we don’t end up accidentally keeping you here illegally,”

“Nah, it’s all cool. Them police bros are pretty chill and all that shit.”

I chuckled softly and shook my head. “Sorry, but I do actually need to know some of this stuff.”

He shrugged slightly and I took that as a sign to continue with the questions. “So, first of all, do you have anyone you want me to let know of where you are?”

He thought for a moment. “Yeah, I think my bro should know. Kurloz is all sorts of motherfucking protective of me, he’ll be pissed that I got arrested again.”

I nod softly. “Is he your actual brother, or just a friend?”

Gamzee laughs, the sound deep and throaty and _oh god I need to stop noticing how attractive he’ll probably be when he’s sober._

“Anyone else?”

He was silent for a minute or two before his eyes went wide. “Oh, motherfucking _shit._ Yeah, I need you to tell my best bro where the hell I am. He’s probably all up and panicking. His name is Karkat Vantas. Tell him before you up and call Kurloz, ’kay?”

He seemed urgent, so I nodded and wrote the name down in big letters, underscoring it several times. It sounded like it was important. Gamzee was almost… panicked.

“Alright,” I soothed. “I’ll call Karkat right after I’m done here, okay?”

He nodded, seeming to relax. “That’s cool, bro. Sorry for getting all up in your face.”

I smiled reassuringly and shook my head “No, it’s fine,”

He nodded again. “Anything else?”

I asked him a few more things—where his parents were, what his job had been, things like that. He seemed tight lipped on the subject of his mother, but clearly stated that his father had left them after Gamzee was born. Unsurprisingly, he hadn’t had a job when he got arrested.

When I wheeled out of the room afterwards, Equius was still standing there, even though Nepeta had apparently gone to do her job. He nodded once at me before staring off into space again. I went to my office and over to the phone on the wall. I did have a cellphone, but I didn’t like using it for calls when I was at work, even though I kept it with me at all times.

First I called the police station, getting the phone numbers of Kurloz Makara and Karkat Vantas before calling the latter. When I dialed the number, it took a few moments for anyone to pick up.

“Hello, this is Kankri Vantas. What may I do to help you?” The person on the other end of the phone sounded very professional and like he was about the same age as my own brother, Rufioh.

“Um, h-hello, I’m looking for Karkat Vantas. May I speak to him?”

There was a pause, then the man spoke again, sounding hesitant. “Well, I am not sure that is a good idea at the moment. You see, he’s been triggered—”

There was violent static and muffled swearing for a minute or two before someone spoke again. It seemed like the two were fighting for the phone.

“What the fuck do you want? I have more important things to be doing than listen to some stuck up douche try to implant a two by four into his ass, so hurry it the fuck up.”

I blinked in shock at his rather creative language, then collected myself and started again. “Um, Karkat Vantas? This is T-Tavros Nitram. I’m a doctor at Alternia Rehabilitation Center, and—”

He cut me off. “Get to the damn point, fuckass. I told you, I have things to be doing.”

His excessive use of swear words was starting to make me nervous. “U-um, well, I’m calling about your friend, Gamzee Makara,”

There was silence for a moment before he started talking. His speech was broken and rushed, like he was panicking. “Gamzee? What happened? Is he alright? Where is he?”

“Gamzee’s fine. He’s here at the center, and he’s perfectly fine. He got arrested last night and brought here.” I said soothingly, trying to answer all of his questions at once.

He sighed, apparently in relief, and when he spoke again he was much calmer. “Alright, good. Now, where did you say you were again?”

I gave him the address of the center. “Thanks. I’ll be there in a moment.”

Before I protest, there was a click and silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know that the rehab center isn't accurate, but I'm changing stuff to fit the purposes of the story.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

About half an hour later, I was drawn away from my extremely boring paperwork by the sound of shouting from the waiting room. Curious, I wheeled myself out of the office to take a look at what was going on. What I found was surprise, and I was starting to think that I should just expect surprises.

There were only two people in the waiting room, and I only recognized Jade Harley, the receptionist. She was usually bright and cheery, and I had seen her calm people down from hysterics with her optimistic outlook on everything. At that moment, however, she looked like she was angry enough to bite the other person’s head off, which was a bit scary since he was at least four inches shorter than her.  He looked like he was maybe Spanish, with dark skin and wild dark hair. I briefly wondered why he was wearing a sweater and jean shorts, partially because it was almost ninety degrees outside and partially because it was the middle of summer. His eyes, which looked black from where I was, were narrowed and his mouth was twisted into an angry snarl. However, I could tell that the reason behind the tension in his body and his clenched hands wasn’t anger but anxiety. Even though his eyes flashed with fury, I could see the fear and what looked almost like guilt within them. If there was one thing I prided myself on, it was my ability to read people even if I didn’t know them.

“For fuck’s sake, just let me through! I need to see someone; it’s more fucking important than whatever the hell protocol you’re trying to inforce!” He yelled, and by his use of language, I figured it was Karkat.

“Well, I’m sorry, but I can’t just let random people waltz into a rehab center! Now go away, I have work to do and all you’re doing is disturbing the peace.” Jade looked livid, and I was almost afraid to go up to them, but I did anyway.

“It’s um, it’s alright, Jade. I called him here.” My voice was quiet, but maybe it only seemed that way because of how loudly they had been talking… well, screaming, really.

She looked at me incredulously, like she couldn’t believe what I was saying. Karkat was watching me, confused, then his eyes widened. “Hey, you’re the fuckass I talked to on the phone. Thank god! Take me to see Gamzee, _now.”_

Jade huffed in annoyance and gestured at him angrily. “Really? You see this? Why on Earth would you let _him_ visit one of your most unstable patients?”

That seemed to make Karkat angrier, and he turned to growl at Jade. “Gamzee is _not_ unstable,”

Jade huffed and crossed her arms, glaring at the smaller man. “Oh, really? Then why was he brought in by and entire squad of police?”

I interrupted before they could return to their shouting match. “Jade, Gamzee asked specifically for him. It’s fine. Now, um, Mr. Vantas, I’ll take you to him if you want.”

He crossed his arms and followed me as I rolled out of the room, letting Jade cool down before he came back out and made her mad again. I lead him to Gamzee’s room and knocked softly, more out of politeness than anything.

“Gamzee? Karkat’s here, if you’d like to see him.”

It didn’t even take five seconds for Gamzee to fling the door open. Karkat’s entire form relaxed as he saw the tall man standing in the door, like he hadn’t really believed me when I said that he was alright.

“Oh thank God,” breathed Karkat, edging around me to get to Gamzee. “You idiot! You said it would just be a normal run! Then you don’t come back and next thing I know, Kankri’s answering the phone and it’s a _rehab center!_ What the hell, Gamz?”

It was almost comical to see Karkat yelling up at Gamzee, who was over a foot taller than him. By Gamzee’s casual reaction, however, it seemed like it happened usually. He led the still-ranting Karkat to the bed and sat down, waiting for the other to run out of steam. I lingered by the doorway, wanting to give them privacy but not wanting to hear the hell I’d get from my boss, Meenah Piexes, if I left them alone.

Eventually Karkat calmed down and they talked in low, soft tones. I didn’t hear much, but the few phrases I did catch both scared me and confused me. Karkat’s tone was urgent, like he was afraid for himself or Gamzee. _Worried me, she called, wants to make it up, don’t trust her, remember the scars, didn’t tell me anything._ Gamzee just sounded pissed off as soon as “she” was mentioned. _Bitch, not going back, I know what she did, never going to happen, she should give up._

I let them spend an hour together before I decided that I should step in and maybe get some more information from Karkat. I wheeled forward and cleared my throat softly.

“Um, I’m sorry, but Karkat needs to go now. You can come back tomorrow, though.”

He sighed and stood up. “Alright, give me a second,”

He seemed much calmer than he had been. I went back to the doorway and waited as Karkat murmured one last thing to Gamzee and gave him a brief hug before walking out of the room and closing the door behind him.

As we got closer to the waiting room, Karkat cleared his throat. “Um, I have a question,”

I raised my eyebrows slightly. “Oh, um, okay. What is it?”

“Can I bring him his face paint? You can do whatever check on it you need to, to make sure it’s not some sort of drug in disguise or whatever, but it would mean a lot to him.”

His voice was quiet, like he was worried about my reaction. I thought for a moment, then nodded. It was face paint; what could happen? “Sure, you can give it to him next time you visit,”

He let out a soft sigh and nodded. “Thanks,”

With that, he walked out and left, ignoring the glare Jade gave him on his way out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woowwwwww. It's been a while since I updated this... Sorry! Things have been kinda hectic for a while, but they're settling down again, so I should be back to weekly updates within the next month. This chapter is really short, and I'm sorry about that, but I literally threw this together in the last half hour for you guys. The next one will be longer, I promise! Thank you so, so much for your patience.

Chapter 4

 

It took another two days for the withdrawal symptoms to kick in, and it was terrifying when they did. Gamzee went on rampage in his little room, screaming about miracles and messiahs and blood. Whenever anyone tried to go in to give him medications that could lessen the symptoms, he would scream and throw things. By the end of the week, he had broken almost everything in the room and nearly throttled two nurses.

Not knowing what to do, I called Karkat, hoping that he’d know a way to calm Gamzee down at least for a little bit.

“What?” he sounded annoyed, but not surprised, when I told him about Gamzee’s behavior.

“Um, yeah… he’s destroying his room, and we’re worried he might accidentally hurt himself.” I said, and I could hear him sigh.

“That’s normal. If you have anyone who’s not all that threatening, have them take him his medicine. Usually I’d do it, but…”

The end of the sentence— _it’s usually not medicine—_ hung in the static emptiness. I nodded a bit and sighed as well. Withdrawal symptoms were always bad, and they didn’t usually make things easier for me or the security or the patient.

“Alright, I’ll see what I can do. I’ll call you again when he calms down.”

“Thanks.” Karkat hung up and I sighed, scrubbing a hand tiredly over my face.

I didn’t consider myself threateningly, but then again, how could I scare anyone? I hadn’t been tall when I had had my legs, and now that I was confined to a wheelchair, there really wasn’t any way I was getting any taller. I had never been all that intimidating; I was too “soft and squishy,” in the words of my annoying older brother.

I took a deep breath as I stood in front of the door, hearing the incomprehensible roars of pure rage that came from the man on the other side. Equius stood beside me, expressionless as usual, but by the sweat rolling down his neck, he was nervous. If Gamzee even scared Equius, it couldn’t be good.

I took another shaky breath and knocked. The noises paused and a voice, clearly Gamzee’s and somehow someone else’s completely, responded. “What the mother fuck do you want?”

I eased the door open to find Gamzee standing in the corner across from me, bleeding from several nicks on his face and arms. He looked exhausted, but angry, and definitely stronger than I was.

“Gamzee, you’re hurt. Let me help.”

Slowly, like a wounded, weary animal, he stepped toward me. I smiled; maybe I really could help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry it's so short!


End file.
